What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 04:48
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
How do you respond to "I don't like you anymore"?
We were not on the streets..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I will be 64.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why was Nietzsche against essentialism?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do men like BBW? What is the attraction?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Who are your 5 or so favorite Quora people?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it wasn’t much.
This is soul school!.
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
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But ive been too sick for many years..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What is one thing which you cannot stop however hard you try?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
What does it mean to you to live a life that reflects biblical values?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
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I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Can you list every album you have ever listened to?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why do people always talk about Ohio as it's a dangerous city?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He knew the spot.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why is it rare for someone to despise both the Democrats and Republicans?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Put me off passion for life!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ive learnt so much.
She was in good health!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I couldn’t, believe it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My life is so biszare .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im still living with it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One cannot live in the past .
She found it foreign!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
I write beautiful poetry .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
(And it was in our own minds.)
What did i know ?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But, we were locked up after school.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She married twice! .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was 9 years of age.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I said to her
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We all went to grammer schools
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So whats the point in blame.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Would this be the day?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was scared of men, in general
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I have no regrets .
All the time i was locked up.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I think the readers, may guess!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So, i spoilt her more .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i do to all so called friends.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I waited trembling.